I have been thinking a lot lately about that feeling. You know the feeling of being in the center of what is right, of being held gently in God's hands? Ah, so much human anxiety just melts away at the thought.
Today, my nursing instructor at the children’s hospital was describing the smallest baby she ever took care of. The baby weighed 300 grams. It fit inside her two hands cupped together. Babies of that size are full of tubes. They need them to breath, they need them to eat, and they often need them to receive fluids and antibiotics. Sometimes, I like to think that God just takes us in both of His hands like that and gently focuses all of His care and attention on us. He holds us all. He is our healer, our nurse, the one who is protecting our fragile and breakable lives. The challenge to us is to let Him labor over us. We must be still. We must remember that the world is held in His hands, not in ours.
This is a very difficult sensation for us. We like being in control, yes? At least, I know that I do. Sometimes the greatest challenge for me in my relationship with God is just to let Him be God, and for me to be my imperfect self. This world is so chaotic and broken, that I often just want to feel in control of my own life. I insist upon doing things my own way and following my own agenda. But, human plans are doomed to failure. Time and time again, my plan has not worked out, and I end up back here in God’s hands as a helpless infant full of tubes. I cannot help but wonder, what would happen if I never left His hands, if I stayed here and lived out of a place of dependency and trust.
Jacob was another real person like me. He struggled to let God be the one in control. I was thinking about that today. He was a man who had never been in control of his own destiny. All of his adult life was riddled with conflict, jealousy, and power struggles between himself and various family members. Then, in the middle of the story of Jacob’s life we find this epic and slightly random side story, the story of Jacob wrestling with God all throughout the night (Genesis 32 if you are interested). He was at the worst point in his life, all alone. He had just sent all of his family on ahead because he was afraid for their safety. He was under the impression that his older brother was going to come and kill him in the morning. So, he spent the night wrestling on the ground with a mysterious figure for a “blessing.” Wait, what???
Interestingly the Hebrew word for blessing is closely tied to the Hebrew word for kneeling. Some scholars believe that this implies that we must be kneel down to be blessed. Was Jacob wrestling for a blessing, or was God wrestling with Jacob in order to humble Him? Maybe God was wrestling with Jacob over this issue of control. Would Jacob go on fighting for things to happen his own way, or would he give up, humble himself, and receive a blessing?
I am like Jacob. I make plans. I try to bring order. And many times, I find myself wrestling with God because I have forgotten what it means to be in His hand. It is so sweet to be there. It feels so safe. The feeling of being held is the best feeling in the world, especially when you are held by someone who loves you and is protecting you. These hands that hold me also hold the World.
God, you are God, I am not. Heal us because we cannot heal ourselves. I want your blessing and your plan for my life.
*Picture from "Children: The World Affairs Blog Network" http://children.foreignpolicyblogs.com/2009/03/06/the-hope-for-the-future-is-in-our-hands/
