Day one: Lessons in being Helpless

The hospital is a cold and confusing place. This hospital is even more perplexing than any other I have ever been to. The buildings and floors form a maze that conspires against outsiders, visitors and new people. Maybe this is some complex kind of hazing? You can only find your way around if you really belong there. The only place I know how to find is the cafeteria. Typical of me! I have no idea what I am doing here.

I always wanted to be a nurse. However, I never wanted to work in a hospital. How ironic that to be a good nurse you have to spend a chunk of time learning in the hospitals! There is one thing that keeps me focused. Somehow, I am called to be here. This experience is a part of what God is doing in my life. It is a part of the lessons I am learning. It is a stretching of my heart. It is a continuation of everything I saw Him do within me in Haiti. And it is me. This is me. I am one who is called to care for others despite their pain and circumstances.

With all of that said, day one in the hospital is exhausting. Physically exhausting from all the lifting, bed changes, and turning the patients in bed, and emotionally exhausting to see people in such desperation.

One patient has uncontrollable diarrhea, which means that we change her 6 times during my shift. It is difficult to move her, to roll her on her side, clean her up and finally get her settled back in her bed. We are looking at her in her most vulnerable state. She is literally lying there in her own shit, unable to move or help herself. She is the sweetest lady. She rarely complains, even though I know she must be very uncomfortable. She even manages to crack jokes while we are moving her in the bed. Each time after we change her diaper and bedding, we leave her with the same instructions; “See this call button? Next time this happens, give us a call right away and we will come to help you out.”

I wonder if it is possible to know someone truly unless you have actually seen them in such a situation. Can I ever be known unless I show my true vulnerability? Can I ever know someone unless they are willing to show me themselves? We need to care for each other. We need to help each other out of the shit that we are stuck in. When our strength fails, we rely on each other, we rely on God. I may not be physically lying here helpless, but I am spiritually. Spiritually I am in great need. The dry places in my heart are crying out for more. I NEED help.

I guess I had better go push that call button…